Contact
Streaming
Map
 
Enriching lives

Politically Correct Santa

Home » News » Politically Correct Santa
AMC PC Santa

'Twas the night before Christmas and Santa's a wreck...
How to live in a world that's politically correct?
His workers no longer would answer to 'Elves',
'Vertically Challenged' they were calling themselves.

And labour conditions at the North Pole
Were alleged by the union to stifle the soul.
Four reindeer had vanished, without much propriety,
Released to the wilds by the Humane Society.

And equal employment had made it quite clear
That Santa had better not use just reindeer.
So Dancer and Donner, Comet and Cupid,
Were replaced with 4 pigs, and you know, that looked stupid!

The runners had been removed from his sleigh;
The ruts were termed dangerous by the H.S.A..
And people had started to call for the cops
When they heard sled noises on their rooftops.

Second-hand smoke from his pipe had his workers quite frightened.
His fur trimmed red suit was called 'Unenlightened'.
And to show you the strangeness of life's ebbs and flows:
Rudolf was suing over unauthorized use of his nose.

So, half of the reindeer were gone; and his wife,
Who suddenly said she'd enough of this life,
Joined a self-help group, packed, and left in a whiz,
Demanding from now on her title was Ms.

And as for the gifts, why, he'd never a notion
That making a choice could cause so much commotion.
Nothing of leather, nothing of fur,
Which meant nothing for him. And nothing for her!
Nothing that might be construed to pollute.
Nothing to aim. Nothing to shoot.
Nothing that clamoured or made lots of noise.
Nothing for just girls. Or just for the boys.

Nothing that claimed to be gender specific.
Nothing that's warlike or non-pacific.
No candy or sweets...they were bad for the tooth.
Nothing that seemed to embellish a truth.

And fairy tales, while not yet forbidden,
Were like Ken and Barbie, better off hidden.
For they raised the hackles of those psychological
Who claimed the only good gift was one ecological.

Dolls were said to be sexist, and should be passé;
And Nintendo would rot your entire brain away.
So Santa just stood there, dishevelled, perplexed;
He just could not figure out what to do next.

He tried to be merry, tried to be gay,
But you've got to be careful with that word today.
His sack was quite empty, limp to the ground;
Nothing fully acceptable was to be found.

Something special was needed, a gift that he might
Give to all without angering the left or the right.
A gift that would satisfy, with no indecision,
Each group of people, every religion;
Every ethnicity, every hue,
Everyone, everywhere...even YOU.

So here is that gift, it's price beyond worth...

'May you and your loved ones enjoy peace on earth'.

*Thanks to Pastor Tim for this joke!*http://www.cybersalt.org/entertainment

Health warning; Not to be taken seriously. Only to be read with tongue in cheek.

popular recent storiesAlso in the news

Thought For
Pete Honeyball: Thu 03 Dec 5:00am

Continuing the pilgrimage to Jerusalem, Pete looks at Psalm 123.A song of ascents.1 I lift up my eyes to you, to you who sit enthroned in heaven. 2 As the eyes of slaves look to the hand of their master, as the eyes of a female slave look to the hand of her mistress, so our eyes look to the LORD our God, till he shows us his mercy. 3 Have mercy on us, LORD, have mercy on us, for we have...

Thought For
Rev. Richard Atkinson: Wed 02 Dec 5:00am

Richard takes us further on this pilgrimage to Jerusalem, with thoughts on that beloved city and Psalm 122.A song of ascents. Of David.1 I rejoiced with those who said to me, "Let us go to the house of the LORD." 2 Our feet are standing in your gates, Jerusalem. 3 Jerusalem is built like a city that is closely compacted together. 4 That is where the tribes go up-- the tribes of the...

AMC Covid cong 3
Posted: Tue 01 Dec 12:00pm

Coming out of lockdown into tier two, enables us to resume Covid-secure services of worship from church. So our 10.30am Sunday morning worship this coming Sunday, December 6th, will be live-streamed from Buckingham Street, rather than from the manse.With the more restrictive seating layout and reduced capacity, to be sure of a seat it is best to phone Richard (01296 339899) by tomorrow night...